


Found and Lost

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Childhood Friends, Gen, Sadstuck, Spirits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 14:02:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10878291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Do you feel loss when you've already forgotten that you once lost something? Or do you only feel loss when you find something once lost, only to lose it again?





	Found and Lost

**Author's Note:**

> In other words, I can't write summaries.  
> Prompt from the Homestuck Writers' Discord. It was for a crossover of Homestuck with something to do with Action, but I kind of misread it and interpreted "cross over" too loosely.  
> action+crossover  
> me: okay why not make this as depressing as possible  
> Note: Mediums in this 'verse work with their minds, establishing connections in a dreamplane of sorts. They usually need another living person to anchor them, and the anchor usually gets to see the spirit as well, although the anchor cannot interact with any entity other than the medium.

Today was going to finally be the day he got some action. Dave had been tagging behind his sister, witch extraordinaire, for so long that he was (excuse the horse idiom) quite champing at the bit to finally help a spirit cross over out of this world.

He had to admit, spirit work wasn't his first choice in career. He'd never actually done anything before; usually he just watched as Rose worked her majyyks. Dave Strider was a songwriter, a DJ, and a rap artist, but those who were dead yet crazy enough to cling on to the world were oftentimes the best inspiration. Last time, he'd helped a woman who couldn't pass on because she had yet to see her favorite day, August 8 of year 8888. Clearly, that wasn't happening any time soon (hell, it was only the late 20th century). He'd written a song, titled (88)888888, and it had been surprisingly popular despite the subject matter.

Apparently, people liked the crazy.

"Dave? Dave Elizabeth Strider. Are you even listening to me? I'm aware that you already know this spirit isn't malicious, but could you pay attention for once instead of staring at your reflection in the window? I'd hate to have to delve deep into your psyche to extract a possible diagnosis of narcissism right now", Rose said, teasingly. She wasn't actually going to diagnose him with anything, but the reference to her teenage days as an aspiring and overenthusiastic psychoanalyst had become an inside joke of sorts.

Once more, his sister had caught him not paying attention. Dave sighed. "Man, if anything, narcissism would apply to you, since you seem to like hearing your voice so much. Did I miss anything actually important?"

"You seem to be forgetting who the person constantly muttering under their breath is". She paused, considering. "And no, I don't think I'll be repeating the briefing again. It's nothing dangerous, so you'll be fine figuring it out as we go".

Of course Rose wouldn't tell him. Dave needed to learn to pay attention for once, and it was kind of routine anyways. A new family had just moved into an old house, and one of the residents had been astute enough to note that the unusual occurrences within the building were due to paranormal activity. Probably run-of-the-mill enough that even her brother, with his penchant for running his mouth, couldn't mess it up.

She pulled up to the house and cut the engine, then got out of the car and started heading toward the house. Dave joined her a moment later and just sort of stood behind her awkwardly. Rose smiled. People always seemed to expect mediums to have a huge briefcase filled with chalk, various potions, a Ouija board, and salt, so it was quite interesting to see their reactions when she showed up empty-handed.

Empty-handed, but with a dorky brother in tow. Speaking of...she nudged him in the side and he snapped out of his slouch into a somewhat more professional stance.

She knocked sharply on the door three times.

A moment later, a bookish-looking man opened the door, then stared at her awkwardly for a few moments. He seemed confused.

"Who...are you two?" His lisp came out strong. If the voice on the phone was anything to go by, this had definitely not been the caller.

"Hi. A resident in this house called two days ago, about a spirit? We're here to take care of that." Rose held out a hand elegantly. "I'm the medium, Rose Lalonde, but you can just call me Rose. That is my assistant and connection, Dave. And you are?"

He took her hand and shook. For someone as reedy as he was, his grip was unusually strong. Perhaps he was a technician of some sort?

"I'm Sollux Captor. Hi to both of you. And, yeah, AA mentioned something about calling an exorcist over. Come in."

Oh, no. Rose wanted to correct him, saying that exorcists typically worked with malicious demons, but he seemed so painfully awkward that she didn't. It'd...probably be best if this was an in-and-out mission; although she had been looking forward to speaking with the woman who had called, Ay-Ay (AA?) didn't seem to be present. She stepped into the home, feeling, as she'd expected, absolutely nothing sinister.

"Yo, dude. So where've you been getting these ghostly vibes?" Dave asked, casually. Sometimes Rose's formal approach tended to be slightly off-putting.

"Upstairs. Things keep shifting around in the attic. AA said she'd sensed something, so it isn't rats." The lack of formality did not seem to bring Sollux out of his shell, and he spoke as haltingly as before.

"Gotcha. Wanna come with us, see how we tick?" Dave gestured with his head to where Rose was, then pointed at the stairs.

"It's...fine. Just don't steal any family albums, and it'll be fine. When you're done, you can, uh, find me in the next room over there."

Wow, this guy had quite the case of nerves, though not quite as bad as the guy who'd called Dave and Rose over only to find that the mysterious sounds from his crawlspace were actually from a mostly harmless homeless man. That case had been weird.

He followed Rose toward the stairs and stayed a step behind her as they went up. Still, nothing abnormal.

Nothing abnormal at all, until they reached the attic, and damn, was that place a mess. It wasn't like the usual brand of destruction that incensed spirits wrought, but rather, it just seemed lived-in. Could spirits even live? Dave decided that that would be a question for another time.

Rose headed to where the storage boxes seemed to be formed into a small cubbyhole, and sat down in the middle of it. It seemed like this was where the spirit, if there was one, had chosen to reside.

Dave mirrored her position with his back to hers. Their warmth against the other's back was reassuring and the human contact was a grounding connection in case anything went wrong.

"Dave. Your turn, this time", Rose whispered, and he nodded. He took a breath, closed his eyes, and let his mind drift. She rested her hand on his encouragingly, then connected her mind to his.  
There was no dramatic "Spirits here, come forth!" speech, but Dave felt it as a tentative presence began poking at his mind. It wasn't Rose, no, her violet-tinged aura was already pulsing steadily at the back of his mind, so it had to be the spirit they were looking for.

It seemed dusty and grey in comparison to his own vibrant scarlet, and oddly enough, old and young at the same time. He opened his mind further, welcoming the spirit in. Slowly, the grey aura took shape into what seemed to be a child clad in an oversized, formless sweater.

This was strange, to say the least. Usually, spirits that hung around were teenagers at least - old enough to hold a tireless grudge or desperately want to experience something. There were no overwhelming desires that Dave could discern on this spirit, just 

Dave thought his question to Rose, but his sister seemed just as confused as he was. Eh. Might as well let this go on and let Rose take over if something went wrong, Dave thought, before attempting to communicate with the spirit.

"Hey, lil dude. 'Sup?"

Silence. However, the aura further clarified, and now Dave could see a head of wild, curly hair halfway obscuring a pale face, far too angular and gaunt for such a young child. His sweater was badly frayed, and his trousers were so long they pooled around his bare feet. Somehow, seeing him gave Dave an odd sense of deja-vu, but he disregarded it, chalking it up to having seen too many kids walking around in the streets.

"No, uh, don't worry. I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm just here to talk to you about, uh, some things." How did Rose even do it? She always seemed so calm and composed, and here he was, falling to pieces trying to talk with a kid. Goddamn, this was hard.

“I'm guessing you're wondering who I am? The name's Dave, what's yours? Look, I know it sounds weird, don't worry about stranger danger for a second. I'm not even going to move from here, dude. Like, I'm not gonna pull up in an ice cream truck and kidnap you, shi-, uh, I don't even have an ice cream truck so you don't gotta worry."

The kid still seemed reticent, still standing a few feet away from where Dave mentally projected himself sitting. Dave quirked a smile and waved, and the kid waved back in a strangely familiar gesture.

"Hi." The kid's voice was barely a whisper, but it was audible. "I'm Vantas. Are you with the government?"

Oh, shit. How did the kid even reach that conclusion? Should he play along? Kids trusted government agents, right?

Don't. Tell him you're just someone who saw he was lonely and wants to talk. And take your shades off.

Reluctantly, Dave slid his shades off and hooked them into the neck of his shirt. Hopefully that'd make him look less like a government worker, although how Vantas could even reach that conclusion escaped him.

"No way, dude. It's just these cool shades, but don't worry. They're not fused to my face like they are for people who are with the government. Dave flashed Vantas a quick grin to show that he was joking, then continued. "I'm just a guy, some guy who talks to lonely looking people for no reason, but not in a creepy way, oh my god, that came out wrong, sorry. Are you with the government?"  
It seemed like a good way to redirect the conversation, especially since Dave's blunder in the middle of the sentence seemed to actually loosen Vantas up.

"No, I’m dead. But I used to live here, a long time ago." Vantas shrugged.

Dave felt Rose's aura flare in surprise before she could tamp it down. This was a first. A young-looking kid who was not only completely aware of his death, but also not freaking out? Hella rare. But since the kid was aware, Dave metaphorically stripped his kid-gloves off. Best to get to business, then.

Vantas seemed to sense Dave's confusion. "I've been here long enough to know that I'm dead, Dave. You're not going to try to drive me out, are you? They've tried to do that before, and you won't be able to either." A tinge of defiance crept into his voice, and Dave suddenly felt a rush of pity for this kid.

This? This was exactly why trying to kick out a spirit didn't work. One couldn't just force them out, one had to communicate and figure out what the spirit had left unresolved.

"Don't worry. I'm not going to force you to go anywhere, but you caught me. I'm here to figure out why you're here, and maybe help you move on, but keep in mind that you don't have to leave if you don't want to, even though you might, uh, have to be a bit quieter. You're freaking out the people downstairs, lil dude."

He didn't know why he kept calling Vantas "lil dude". While physically, his size was diminutive, indicating that he had died at a young age, his mind seemed far matured beyond that.

Vantas shifted his weight before sitting down cross-legged across from Dave. "Well, you're welcome to try; I'm not going anywhere. This is my home, and legally, I don't even exist, so I see precisely no reason to leave."

The more he spoke to Vantas, the more it became evident that Vantas was self-taught. It corroborated with his claim that he'd been here for a very long time. This kid was certainly tenacious, in both his attachment to the world and his love for learning; perhaps that explained the mess of books strewn around the attic.

"Well, if you have no reason to leave, then do you got a reason to stay?"

"I'm waiting for someone", Vantas stated simply, as if those four words explained everything.

"For whom?"

"Why do you need to know that? There's nothing you can do about it, and he, he's probably already fucking gone, anyways! It's not going to help you to know that, you're not getting rid of me!!" Vantas all but screamed, and then began to fade back into his aura. In a surprised panic, Dave scrambled to reestablish their connection, settling for projecting a hand onto Vantas's shoulder and resting it there. The connection stabilized, and Dave withdrew once more.

“Dude, dude, calm down. I'm not trying to get rid of you, I just want to know. Pretend I'm a particularly harmless therapist locked in a cage or something, and I can't force you to do anything you don't want. Who was he, who were you waiting for?"

Vantas took a few deep breaths to calm himself as Dave tried to get Rose to quit it, already. A while ago, she had begun poking insistently at his mind, telling him to withdraw. She probably knew as well as he did that the spirit wasn't leaving, but no, that wasn't what he stayed in the border for. At this point, he was hooked and just wanted to figure out Vantas' story, and why it seemed to resonate so strongly with him.

Her poking grew more insistent, and she began attempting to tug him out. Annoyed, he forcibly separated their mind links before he could truly contemplate the consequences of doing so, and, for a moment, just drifted. When he regained his projected feet, it was because Vantas had grabbed his wrist tightly.

He'd saved him. Dave had just cut himself off from Rose's connection, and there was nothing holding him back from fading into nothingness. Persistent spirits had a strong emotional connection to something in the world, but Dave would have had nothing anchoring him if Karkat hadn’t grabbed him.

"You're really persistent, you know that? What the hell made you try to join me?"

“I um. I wanted to find out. Like I said, I'm not trying to get rid of you, I’m just. Something about your story really." Dave couldn't finish either of his sentences. He couldn't quite put his finger on why he felt so drawn to Vantas' past, he'd never felt this way when he’d listened to Rose talk to spirits before.

Silence fell between them, though Vantas still maintained the physical contact.

The spirit sighed. "If you're going to be this damn hung up about it, then fine. I'll tell you as long as you leave me alone afterwards."

“We were orphans, six or seven years old, I think, and he was my friend. My best friend, actually. I thought we would grow up and leave the shelter together, but someone adopted him. He escaped and came back here, once, telling me about how. About how his guardian had beat the shit out of him. They didn't believe him. His guardian took him back the next day, and I was adopted soon after. A few years later tuberculosis swept through the region; I got really fucking sick and died, and I've been here ever since. _Now_ are you satisfied?"

Perhaps there was a perk to being dead: Vantas didn't need to breathe, and could thus rant all he wanted.

Dave, however, needed to breathe, and couldn't.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, tell me if I'm fucking insane, but, Karkat??!"

The shocked, yet suspicious stare that Vantas aimed at him was enough. "I...never told you my name, did I."

It wasn't a question. Dave answered anyways. "You did. Not today, but twenty four years ago. I lent you my chalk-"

"...and you told me to call you Strider because your last name was cooler. No way. No fucking way. You're messing with me, stop it!!"

"I'm not, man, Karkat, I swear I'm not! I said I'd run away as many times as I had to in order to find you, but by the time I was able to get away from him again, the orphanage was already gone! And-"

"I would have already been dead, anyways."

Karkat choked up, then flung his arms around Dave's middle, holding him tightly enough that it would have hurt had either of them been substantial. Dave struggled to slide down in Karkat's grasp, and as soon as he hit a kneeling position, he buried his face against the spirit's bony shoulder and just held him.

They had finally found each other, and though one was dead and the other alive, the fulfillment of their childhood promise was cathartic.

A thought suddenly occurred to Dave. "Is this the house you were adopted to?"

"No, this was the orphanage, or at least it was, before it was demolished and replaced with a house."

Dave made a sound of assent, then sat down, tugging Karkat with him. The smaller one tucked up neatly against his side, and both of them were careful to remain in contact with each other.

"I didn't recognize you without your white shock of hair", Karkat admitted softly, "but you can't blame me, you're far older."

He regretted dyeing his hair into a less remarkable blond. Dave didn't have the excuse with Karkat, although Karkat was certainly thinner and more bedraggled than he’d been when Dave knew him. But he finally knew why Vantas had seemed so familiar earlier. He'd been a ghost of Dave's past, and though Karkat had been a treasured friend, the unforgiving gears of time had ground the memory to mere fragments.

In the absence of time passing, they talked for an eternity, catching up on Dave’s life and cracking anecdotes about the people who’d lived in the same house as Karkat.

As he ranted, Karkat's voice had been getting noticeably softer, but it didn't really register to Dave as anything wrong until his hand sank halfway into Karkat's shoulder. He barely suppressed a yell as he withdrew his hand. Looking down at Karkat, though, the spirit's deterioration was obvious; his flesh was becoming translucent, and the lower half of his body was slowly fading. Dave couldn't believe he hadn't noticed.

"Shit, Karkat. Can you anchor to something else, hell, even just haunt me temporarily?" Dave knew that having a spirit attached to him would drain his life force, but he didn't care. It didn't matter as long as he could hold out until Karkat was able to anchor to something else.

Karkat couldn't.

They tried to hold on to each other for as long as possible, but it was futile. Karkat had achieved what he'd stayed in the spirit realm to achieve, and now there was no tireless goal keeping him here. Dave reached out, grasping for him as the last wisps of Karkat's aura floated away, and then he too

was

falling.

Without Karkat holding him in the spirit world, Dave too started slipping away into nothingness. He'd already broken his connection to Rose, and now there was nothing anchoring him. Darkness rushed by him as he fell, the fading remnants of other spirits barely visible as flecks of color. He knew he should have tried to re-anchor to Rose, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It was stupid to think that he, a grown man with a great career, would be so devastated by the loss of his childhood friend whom he'd already lost once, but he wasn't being logical. It was impossible to be logical under such circumstances.

Then suddenly, violet tendrils twined around his projection and caught him, tugging hard. It was like a bungee rope, pulling him to the border and then crashing him through it. He hurtled back into his body, a shock travelling through him.

His eyes shot open to the sight of Rose worriedly leaning over him, hands pressed hard to either side of his head.

"Dave! What happened? Are you okay? Did the spirit try to take you with it?" She was frantic. Her brother's first attempt at helping a spirit cross over should not have gone this awry.

"I'm fine. He didn't try to take me with him", Dave replied, struggling to hide the tinge of disappointment in his voice.

"What happened after you cut me off, Dave? I need to know."

"We talked. He got what he wanted, then left."

"Which was?" The unspoken 'did you make any deals with the spirit?' hung between them.

Dave knew that Rose was worried he'd somehow managed to barter away his soul. But no, not his soul, Dave wanted to say. What had been taken was his heart.

"Reunion."

He stood up unsteadily on the creaky wooden floorboards of the attic and stretched, joints popping. His joints never did that unless he'd been sitting for a very long time, and it startled him to realize that he'd been talking with Karkat for so long.

His face felt sticky, and he slid his shades up to swipe his hand across his cheeks. The hand came away wet.

Tears.

He'd been crying. No wonder Rose had been so worried about him. Her brother had cut his mental link with her, then passed out and started crying. That had to be unsettling under any circumstance. Dave scrubbed at his face once more with his sleeve, then settled his shades firmly on the bridge of his nose. A deep breath later, he turned around and set his hand on Rose's shoulder to catch her attention from where she'd been scrawling in a notebook.

"It's over. Let's go."

They descended the stairs together, and Dave stood at the base of them for a moment to collect himself while Rose went to report to Sollux and get paid. She got the money quickly; the man was as painfully shy as ever, though relieved and thankful that the strange sounds would stop.

Rose frowned when she noticed Dave still standing and staring blankly off into nowhere. He seemed empty, though, for the life of her, she couldn’t understand why; perhaps it was just the spirit’s residual emotions still clinging to him. Regardless, they’d have to work this out at a time they weren’t standing in someone’s home, so she grabbed his arm and tugged him to the car, watching as he entered robotically.

She’d only seen a glimpse of his eyes before his shades were on, but he’d seemed...empty. As if some part of him was missing. She knew she had managed to catch all of Dave before he’d fallen too far, so she could see no reason why he seemed so...absent. There were no signs of foul play, though Rose was sure that Dave’s unresponsiveness had to with the spirit.

Silence pervaded the drive home, and Rose couldn't help but wonder, what _had_ he lost?


End file.
